Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
