I am puke
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
