My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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