God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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