Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
