he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
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I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
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NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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