Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
