I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
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Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
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I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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