I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
i need some magic done to my vagina
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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