I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
