you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
