i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
People in love make me want to vomit
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
