i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
