so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Drunk is not a location!
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
