Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
