im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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