Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
