chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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