i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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