well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
