checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
should my penis look like a turkey
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
