Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
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