everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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