Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
sarcasm needs its own font
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
