I hate all girls vehemently.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
