I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
