honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
