i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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