I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
