What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
