I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
