I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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