last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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