i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
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i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
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I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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