If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
