youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
