only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
my liver is dry heaving
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
