normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
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I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
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So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
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