so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
