My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
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He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
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At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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