oh god the rape fog is back!
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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