i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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