remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
