Ambien. No doubt about it.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
