He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
