Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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