I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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