she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
