What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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