I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
