Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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