Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
