Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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