How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
