you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
My vagina is very pro this idea
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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