Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
