the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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