I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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