Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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