Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
