i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
