Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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