I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize