Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
