Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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